Yesterday I went in for a screening mammogram and today I got a call. I needed to schedule a diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound because they spotted an abnormality in my right breast. The lady on the phone tried to assure me this happens all the time and it’s no cause for concern but my sister had breast cancer…

Way to erase the identity of cows, smdh.

Astrud being João Gilberto’s wife didn’t stop Getz from nailing her though...

This is the modern day version of keeping up with celebrity haircuts and having extreme reactions when one of them changed things up. Like, did people scrapbook that shit?

What a stupid idea. I’d be worried all the time - did my kids trample anyone? Were they trampled by some preteen (you know those height requirements are just for show and there’s always a huge kid who shouldn’t be there but no one gives a shit)?

If that’s the case, can I interest you in this compilation?

I read your “one day” as “once a day” and it brought a smile to my face. I think you’re a better person than I am.

I wonder when the GOP voters and Trump supporters that won’t be benefitted by a tax credit will realize that this will fuck them over. They’ll probably hear “tax credit” and say “hey, free money!” Until reality hits later on...

Not if you’re rich it’s not! That’s all that matters.

Stars, they’re just as cheap as us!

My guess would be that People got some $$$ from Home Goods because they’ve been devoting space on their site teasing about the new store the TJ Maxx group will open etc. People is smarmy like that.

Burritoncé!

I know, right? Imagine being able to reenact Abbi’s trashing of Whole Foods on Broad City!

That’s why I don’t eat quinoa before walking red carpets.

St Bernards are really prone to licking people to death. That’d be the only cause of death by a St Bernard attack :-P

The Anastasia Beverly Hills brow wiz hooks me up with nice eyebrows ;-)

This app is highly addictive. My compulsion for selfies lasted a few months after downloading it.

If it looks too good to be real, it’s because it’s not ;-) it’s courtesy of the YouCam Perfect app.

IT ISSSSS! (but I think it’s free, no?) Right after I got it I became one of those assholes who can’t stop taking selfies. I’m all better now, I promise.

It’s going well - I think if I had a hairdresser who was more knowledgeable I might have some more length now, but it’s okay. I have something resembling sideswept bangs now and I’m rocking a Kris Jenner-like cut. The key in growing a pixie is visiting the salon religiously, every 4 to 6 weeks, so that whatever’s…