I can’t relax in a mess—never been able to. Knowing there’s a huge pile of dishes or whatever makes me tense.

I gained 30 actual lbs which is a bit more than necessarily

And who tf cares if she does? It’s her trauma. We don’t get to say what she does with it.

Dude. You just heard a woman talk about how she was mentally preparing herself to be raped by three men. And that she was focusing on how her sister would heal after finding her dead body and this is what you come out of it with? The fuck is wrong with you? Have like, a semblance of empathy. Ever.

It was honestly SO BAD. Loved her first special. Loved Trainwreck. Love Inside Amy Schumer. The Leather Special suuuuuucked. And it wasn’t even that dirty, it was just tired. Nothing that original or clever. Timing was poor.

I’m conflicted. On the one hand, I’m 100% on her side and 100% opposed to the alt-right. On the other hand, her special was not good. I’m a fan of her show, and I liked her movie a lot, and I liked her previous special, but this one sucked, frankly.

We must all refuse. It’s that simple, people. We must refuse to take the tests and refuse to pay the fines. And it has to be all of us. We must all refuse.

This asshole just sent out the first big salvo necessary for ethnic cleansing and eugenics: Congressperson from Iowa, y’all.

I was that annoying person who would go on rants about how I would never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever have kids and list all the reasons why, even when no one asked. Then something changed and I wanted kids more than anything else in the world. I have one now, I want a dozen more. I really meant it then when I…

I find this breathless excitement about Beyoncé keeping her performance engagements hilarious. Most women work through their whole pregnancies. I worked till I was 8 1/2 months and the size of a bloated manatee.

Reading a lot of Nancy Drew helped, too. Nancy was always the cleverest in any room.

Gabrielle, are y’all gonna cover his crazy fucking interview from last night where he said he got the biggest standing ovation since Peyton Manning won the Super Bowl during his speech at the CIA? When I first read it, I literally thought I had clicked on a satire column. No. He was serious.

In the UK, there’s the realisation that the US collapsing will likely mean a swift post-Brexit UK-US trade deal, as it suddenly becomes the sole good PR low hanging fruit available to Trump.

But his meetings now begin at 9 a.m., earlier than they used to, which significantly curtails his television time. Still, Mr. Trump, who does not read books, is able to end his evenings with plenty of television.

Melania, you are wife No. 3. Sometimes, if a man is very old, that’s a good position to be in, because he’ll be too exhausted to find wife No. 4. And maybe you can wait him out. Like Barbara Sinatra. She just waited him out. But Donald is in decent health and the minute he finds a new place with bottle service,…

I can’t stand this dumb blow up doll.

theres something inherently masturbatory about manipulating parts of your body with someone else in mind.

If a woman’s on top she can’t get pregnant. It’s just gravity. What goes up must come down.

I was actually thinking that possibly Melania was claiming she couldn’t find a dress. More likely, he’s heard Melania, Ivanka and Kellyanne complaining about the fact that no designers are willing to dress them, and figured that meant all of the dresses were sold out everywhere, for everyone.

It’s always been a thing, like since the beginning of time. And it’s a thing all over the world. And it’s a thing with other mammals. It’s pretty natural and instinctual.