Oh my god, that article. The most hilarious thing is that in the pictures of these supposed heartbreakers and the average partners they’ve passed up models for, it’s completely impossible to tell which one is which.

His definition of “full head of hair” is pretty loose.

These Double Creature choices are not to be understood, so let’s provide our own. Last week I put in one of Trump posing next to a bottom-feeding fish with yuge puckered orangey-pink lips. There were others in the comments, including my favorite, a windblown Trump next to a windblown horse’s rear. A link to this…

“I’d like to secure your sack between two King Hawaiian rolls and then shoot salsa at it from a super soaker.”

“You like soup? I bet you like soup.”

my favorite was to put ~out with the girls~ when i would be over at my friend margot’s house watching movies in her basement and obsessively checking the internet

Yes, I’m annoyed at that language. All women wear real-world sizes because we are all real women.

What is a “real-world size” tho

I shouldn’t have looked. In addition to the finger, there’s a picture of Depp’s face! No thanks.

Dear god, what do you get for a 46k apartment? Does a magic carpet pick you up at your door, carry you to your bed of clouds, where a specially trained corgi prepares a plate of cheese and a glass of wine from you unlimited wine bar, and then the dude from Tonga rubs you feet?

Now I’m wondering if The Rock was just responding to Clint’s dumb remarks about the “pussy generation.” Masterful shade there Dwayne!

Every part of this gossip makes me happy. Every. Part.

This is my favorite HGTV show. It would be a huge disservice to the fans to not include a top ten list about shiplap.

The Asian lady in the foreground showed remarkable composure.

At last, our long and grueling national nightmare is over.

Is this on snap? Couldn’t she have made a snap video sending people to a youtube video instead of taking a three minute snap?

There once was a girl from Nantucket
with talent as deep as a bucket.
She tried to “sound black”
and wrote songs like a hack
so they gave her a Grammy when they should have said “Fuck it.”

Finally someone has done the right thing.

When did David O. Russell change his name to Adam McKay?