CP based on the paint color alone. I’m paying $50K+ for a car that goes to Earl Scheib before it hits my garage.

In a city where a majority of the population work in the service industry, you may as well throw all the dollars at entertainment. No need to waste money on educating strippers, waiters, desk clerks, and pai gow dealers.

If Hillary Clinton stepped out of that Conquest in her white space captain debate outfit, you would you be hard pressed to not believe she was a space/time traveler.

The most insidious lie is the lie you tell to yourself.

I use the same strategy with my cocaine usage. Never do the first line until you are halfway thru the first stripper.

This is a Fred Armisen doing a Portlandia sketch, right?

I want to make a Vine of me laughing at the Vine “celebrities” that will soon be out of “work”.

No firewater after seventh inning.

Trade you these beads and blankets for your ticket...

Scalped his ticket...

Someone litter in his stream?

Trump chose the wrong person as his VP. Thiel is the rare match for Trump’s hatred and offensiveness.

It is interesting that they all refer to themselves as “brokers”. I assume that is because they don’t want to deal with even the minimal additional work required to become a “Realtor©” (as worthless as that is).

“the women, from Ms. Universe, which I own”

Got a blowjob in the backseat of my girlfriend’s mom’s car while her mom drove us home from her grandparent’s house.

There is a right answer and wrong answer for this, just like which way to the toilet paper goes (over not under for any mouth-breathing cretins that aren’t clear on it).

I buy my butter from a dairy farm just outside of town. One ingredient listed: cream.

Preferred Negan victims: The writers and/or the producers

Enhance. Enhance. Enhance.

3-2 to Arsenal is as good as a win for Swansea. It could have easily been 3-0.