Assburgers syndrome?

I might live longer sober, but my marriage would end much sooner. 

I’ll take a shorter drunk life over a longer sober one. I’ve met sober people. They are not, generally, a particularly happy group. 

I paid my five figure tax bill with my credit card interest free for 12 months. I set 12 equal payments so I will pay it off before interest kicks in. The merchant fee was a couple hundred bucks. And I got airline miles.

Spending money on a dead person is comical.

You had it notarized, right?

SEXUAL CONSENT FORM

You can’t beat their illegal meat!

I would volunteer my city but my state as a whole is a legislative klan rally organized by an group of incels.

“Let’s put that in the parking lot for now...”

Throw in a little cough medicine and you’ve got Purple Drank!

Edward BORG Hands

The hilarious part is that the kids will only eat chicken nuggets and mac & cheese anyway so they might as well be at home.

Mise en place, knife skills, and knife sharpening are the best thing to keep from kitchen experience.

The best Latin American cooks are working the line in the best restaurants in the United States (not Latin cuisine). No fine dining restaurant would stay in business for a day if their Latinx staff didn’t show up.

Italian dishes that originate in New York always crack me up. Like Latin cuisine from Chicago.

Mexican instant espresso powder has entered the chat...

Unpaid bills? Collection?

Cut them out of your life like a cancer or a tumor. Just like with cancer surgery, you’ll learn to live without the area that was removed. 

Use a one-time credit card number. No auto-renewal.