Take all of your sick days. Take all of your vacation days.

Cameo is the ultimate side-hustle for has beens or the please explain why is this person famous crowd.

I prefer “Rumpus Room”. 

Residue build up in your lint filter. 

NOPE.

Most restaurants only do one turn at lunch, so lingering at the table doesn’t impact their revenue. There is no one waiting for it. 

Dryer sheets, store bought or homemade, are just a great way to shorten the lifespan of your dryer. 

How a person treats service personnel is the truest reflection of a person’s REAL self.

A politician doing porn reveals their shortcomings to the constituency.

GOP v. Pope?

The threat of hell is as effective as preventing bad behavior as the death penalty.

Oysters Kardashian.

I get a flu vaccine every year. Is frequency of the vaccine really a relevant question if it reduces your chance of serious, negative health outcomes?

There are probably a dozen ways to slice an onion (or more) and each is unique and has a time and place depending on your recipe.

I deal with incompetence the say way, whether it is “weaponized” or not:

A steakhouse with a Michelin star is laughable. It has to be the laziest possible Michelin star to maintain. 

I assume that your babysitter was attractive and chosen by your father. Some things are worth burning down the house (and your marriage) for...

Get a better job and then notice your old toxic boss just visited your LinkedIn page!

I do the fridge sweep when my partner is out of town. Otherwise, she notices how much I threw out and says “I would have eaten that” but never would have.

I’ll make up the cost in all the money I’ll make as an influencer!