Be ashamed 

Suit shopping while fat is an experience. Men’s Wearhouse calls my size the “Executive Line.”  Jos. A. Bank calls it a “Regal Fit”

SPOILER:

If you had listed him as Ambassador Pope Thrower, there’s no way he wouldn’t get 90% of the vote

Embiid should just refer to Dudley as JoJo English. 

As a 5 year veteran of Starbucks, I can tell you that people will resort to violence for very petty reasons.

Giri’s hideous chin hair could compete with anyone in the MLB

You sons of bitches better start showing up for Lionel Pimpin

Chocolate and peanut butter is delicious. Chocolate and orange can get fucked. 

I disagree with your stance on mayo but I agree with the larger take about people yelling at you for not liking it.  I hate pineapple and I also hate mint chocolate. For some reason, those filthy Thin-Mint loving assholes won’t leave me alone about it.  FUCK THEM

You can make a pretty good fried rice using cauliflower rice.  Just put the cauliflower chunks in a food processor until it resembles rice and cook it like you’re making fried rice.  

So I guess this means he won’t be playing for the Yankees

The first time I ever heard about it was when I read the Rum Diaries by Hunter Thompson. The first time I ever experienced it, was at Kuma’s Corner in Belmont. Verdict: it’s good but not as good as it seems it should be.  

I am really torn between Chastity Gooch-Fant and Mustafa Tuna

SIR

SIR, Truman Peyote is the greatest name ever and now we must fight.

Frugalizin is a perfectly cromulent word

I had a roommate who never showered (told me that he didn’t like it), and never did laundry.  His room smelled so bad that I would just spray glade around the door frame when he wasn’t there.   His room was directly across from the front door and on a hot night, the stench used to literally knock me over. He was a…

Reminds me of the old hobo.  He got too old and slow to catch the freighters and he was too proud to go on public assistance.  So he decided to end it all by lying down on the Amtrak line.  Starved to death. 

Rumeal Robinson