I’m sorry, but it says the Moops.

What product will get tzatziki out of a extra long twin sheet?

What product will get tzatziki out of a extra long twin sheet?

“I’m very sorry you all have to go through this” is the funniest thing I have ever read ever. 

Are you asking me because you don’t know? 

Neither yours nor Drew’s lists mention bubble gum flavor. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?

I only use the handicapped stall if all the other ones are taken.  Handicapped toilets are too high up for my short legs.  They should be equipped with squatty potty so that I can bear down appropriately. 

The thing that sticks with me about that Smith to Hill Hail Mary is how many people are cheering in the crowd afterwards.  It was a Dallas home game. 

I was playing one of those motorcycle video games at an arcade. To jump you had to pull back on the handlebars. I pulled back on the handlebars but didn’t move my face hitting my newly grown adult front tooth and chipping 

She may have shaken that off in the moment, but her neck is gonna hurt later.

In 8th grade, I arrived a couple of minutes early to science class. I spotted what I thought was a scale on the table. I do not know why I thought it was a scale, but I went over to it and pushed down as hard as I could with my palm. Except it wasn’t a scale. It was a searing hot hotplate. I scorched the shit out of…

Also, 50ShadesofJimGrey deserves much praise for this gem:

Speaking of Chargers shooting themselves in the dick, this play won a fantasy game for me:

Troll level: EXPERT 

Sausage crumbles > Link sausage.

The team was going to hold a fundraiser for Democrats at their new stadium in Cobb County, but all of the Democratic attendees were arrested on their way up from Fulton County.

They are all in New York City, being the Editor in Chief of deadspin dot com

3-2 count or GTFO

You don’t shave your neck? How are you not scratching yourself into your own esophagus?

Sure but consider the source. The guy’s brain is made of desiccated sponge.