Mozz, tomato, and roasted red peppers pannini. Fresh basil, oregano, salt, pepper, olive oil. That’s it.

Avocado toast all day every day

Further wiping. First wipe is just to get the low hanging fruit do you can stand up without smearing shit all over your cheeks. Or if one wipe is sufficient then porn and other iPad activities.

They’re too busy being booked into California jails for stabbing each other.

I never said you couldn’t have anyone in the bathroom with you.

There’s no consensus in the courts over whether there is a private right of action under the RICO Act. To state a claim, a plaintiff must allege (1) that the defendant received money from a pattern of racketeering activity, (2) invested that money in an enterprise, (3) the enterprise affected interstate commerce, and…

My huge ass casts a significant shadow.

Next favorite thing: “Plaintiff Todd Orsati is an adult...”

Here’s my favorite: “The Plaintiffs have subject matter jurisdiction over the subject draft pick as it has been taken from the Plaintiffs’ team...”

If you’re a sitter and really curious about what your shit looks like, follow these instructions.

I guess Azealia Banks forgot about this?

Man, Burneko gets loose from the confines of Deadspin for five minutes and immediately starts spitting out HOT TAKES

Pop culture and celebrity status are fairly recent phenomena. A lot of early celebrities are getting older. This will continue.

Once upon a midnight windy, while I ranted about Vinny
Testaverde’s terrible play and the Brown’s decrepit core,
While I drank away my sorrows, dreaming of better tomorrows,
news arrived that on the morrow, the Browns would live in Cleveland no more.
“Tis a trick,” I slurred “to get a better deal that Model won’t abhor.”
“…

What happened to Jane Kelly?

The art at the top of this post. Really.

Let’s not forget his serial killer-like taste in cereal.

Appeals court judges asking tough questions of Brady’s side does not necessarily imply that they are sympathetic to the NFL. It might mean that the judges are, you know, considering the relative strengths and weaknesses of the arguments and evaluating them, making sure that their understanding of the facts is correct…

I suppose you’re voting for Trimpler (trump+hitler) too.

NO ITS NOT FUNNY. THIN MINTS ARE AN ABOMINATION