I mail ordered some chicks, but they wouldn't deliver to my house. Had to get them at the post office. That was a weird experience.

Oh dear, could have used an NSFW, or at least an "Actual Peen" notice on this one...
(bookmarking for home viewing...)

WELP does anyone have any No-Doze? I'd like to try to never sleep again ever.

Heard a thump upstairs, but didn't hear anything on the baby monitor. Hmmmm. My fingernails might not last the night.

Aaaaaaand now the worthless tiny dog is barking and whining at the door. Cool. Cool cool cool.

Scandal was great, got a tummy full of wine, curled up on the couch with a blanket and a tiny, worthless for protection dog. Let's do this.

It's coming from inside your butt!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG NOPE YOU WIN FOREVER

I'ma see my husband off to his gaming night, put my kid to bed, pour me some red wine, drink the wine while watching Scandal, then drink some more wine in my 140 year old house while reading these stories. It's not as fun if you're not alone and scared!

Pubes. Seriously, did he just glue Scott Tenorman's pubes to his face?

I just bought a bottle of wine on a whim because the last time I was at the store I got a coupon for that very bottle of wine and it was sitting right on my wallet, so why not? I took one taste and dumped the rest down the drain. Fuck coupons.

When I was pregnant I didn't gain much. I got a lot of side eye and "compliments" about my weight that I didn't really appreciate. I was only skinny (not actually at all skinny) because there was only about a month between the all day sickness when I felt like I was gonna barf about 100% of the time and my kid parking…

I've been making green smoothies in the morning. Spinach, steamed carrot, an apple, some fresh ginger, chia and hemp protein powder. I use most of a can of La Croix coconut for the liquid. Not, like, super delicious, but it's tasty enough and gives me fiber and vitamins when I would normally be eating a toaster…

Watch out with the rare burgers, it's entirely possible to leave them too raw to hold together. I've had a few just disintegrate completely in my hands before I found the sweet spot.

Came in to say the same damn thing. At least Steven Yeun is still cool. :(

I tried to stop biting my nails by donating a quarter to Right to Life every time I bit. Worked for a month, but I had to stop, it was way to stressful.

"Whelp, looks like everyone's forgotten about my home birth, not vaccinating my kids, my attachment parenting, not shaving my legs....I know! I'll rip on a beloved movie! PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEE"

I'm salivating over the Samsung Note 4.

It's not against the law to not show your ID to a cop.