Isn't having sex with a prostitute also a crime? So, if the cops were just doing their job here, (instead of punishing the uppity black bitch who had the audacity to stand up for her rights) the gentleman would have been in handcuffs too, right?

Also Sweet Corn. I see people in other states putting shit on their corn and I'm like "You fools! Steam it, light butter and salt and EAT!"

Sleep hygiene experts usually recommend not getting in bed until you feel sleepy, and associating as few activities as possible with your bed. Rather, read or watch TV in another space until you're ready to sleep.

I think I'm in love with Rob Delaney now?

Simultaneous? Hell, I'm "once a year" lucky if I get an orgasm that's not from direct Hitachi to clit contact.

Great. Now if they could get rid of the homeopathy, high-dose vitamin and herbal supplements, and other disproven "alternative" medicine I'll be really impressed.

You clearly have not watched Slither. For shame.

Even with your ball planted directly on my face, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a hard time seeing your penis. Might want to talk to someone who has access to an electron microscope.

You should probably get that looked at.

Dreams last so long

I am not a little bit in love with Chris Pratt. I am a lot bit in love with him.

Ok, I'm bad at Photoshop, but...

Ok, I'm bad at Photoshop, but...

Aren't you a little fucking ray of sunshine?

I love you Aisha Tyler! Keep being bad ass! That is all!

Casa Bonita is a real place? I 100% thought it was a made up South Park thing!

I had just had a miscarriage 2 weeks earlier, and we were ready to put it behind us and get me pregnant again. Neither of us were particularly in the mood, but I was ovulating, so it needed doing. It was the worst sex ever, including me kneeing him in the balls, "ouch, you're on my hair", and a strange booger in my…

I don't think there is a right answer, it will be different for everyone. Here's my take on it:

Something like this could have helped me out last year. I had a boy cat who was sick and slowly wasting away, and I had a girl cat who was eating all his food. I noticed girl cat getting fat, but I didn't notice the boy cat getting skinny (his fluffy fur hid his skinniness) since I just thought the weight differential…

Jesus fucking Christ. Women have woman shapes, that's how you visually distinguish us from them menfolk. These minfigs also have long hair, eyelashes, and fuller lips. Is that also sexist? So let's take them away! Then they'll look just like the man minfigs and you'll bitch that there aren't any women.