“All I wanna know is, did your mother suck up on some toes?”

“.....he was diagnosed with a broken femur, a broken pelvis, internal bleeding, bleeding on the brain, nine fractured ribs, and a broken neck.”

Sadly, Paul Kariya has no recollection of ever winning or donating the rings. In unrelated news, Scott Stevens has yet to account for his whereabouts over the last few days or why he rented a U-Haul.

He is. He gained sentience and escaped Axe Laboratories, and after an impassioned defense by Clarence Darrow, he was allowed to continue living in the wild, albeit under close government supervision.

DNP: Trying to give that pipe

Jaccob had been Slavin’ away all game trying to get a goal, and right when he thought it was paying off, Nash came in and Tuuka sure thing away.

Two’s company, three’s a crowd

Man that is messed up, and right after he shoots Richie Incognito, I really think we need to take his guns away from him.

Thank you Roberto Luongo. It is rare for a hockey player to step up and take a political stand.

#FireKenHolland

Are you kidding?

One of the great things about the Olympics is I read a headline like that and my first thought is “the dude’s first name is Gahhh, that is frickin’ awesome”, but turns out it’s just a run-of-the-mill Kristian with his face cut open.

What the fuck is wrong with those guys?

He really dug himself into a hole.

Did Puig change his mind about going to the Colts too...?

Finally a chance to throw batteries at someone’s head out of joy instead of anger.

This is the PG version of the “Go Fuck Yourself” tweet.

I bet these sorry NBA officials didn’t even call that a charge.

I disagree. I think it’s better to calmly and respectfully state your case, motherfucker.

To be fair, Seguin’s been making the Bruins look stupid for a few years now.