“Daniel Jones out here dropping dimes.”

My team is the Jets, that's how.

I definitely would’ve missed all those shoehorned puns if you hadn’t italicized them, thanks for that 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

This is all I keep thinking about, and it’s probably why they employ him.  He’s a cartoon heel, but instead of taking off the mask he just remains a terrible person once the show is over.

I disagree.

“....boring New York dyke...”

Make some room for Art Briles while you are there Bob. 

“I regret the fact I tried to be a father figure. It hurts my heart.”

I hear that Ohio is the problem, with which, as an Ohio resident, I can empathize.

If the Raiders are smart, they’ll let Mack miss the first season game. Then extend him properly and welcome him back at their next home game.

Imagine the merchandise they could sell at the official, “Return of the Mack” game! My god...I get chills thinking about it. The Black Hole is screaming and going nuts. The…

Well, I know the Mack Khalil will make you jump, jump. As I assume, will the Khalil Mack.

That position has already been filled by Rex Ryan.

JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST WE SIGNED RGIII. We won’t sign Kaep because we’re afraid it’ll cause a media circus but we sign a fucking quarterback that hasn’t played in two seasons.

Good, good, cool, solid, about time, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I said, ‘Tristan, we ain’t cut the same’

“Save it for after the game!” Yeah, he did. He struck the guy out. That ended the game. Buncha doofuses.

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

He’s got strong thighs from jumping on and off boxcars.

Keeping your keys in car is a smart move. Nothing kills a party like some bartender confiscating them because youve had like 15 drinks or whatever