You seem very unfamiliar with the way Australians name things if you think we'd call a coffee whatever-the-fuck that was. We tend to go for shortening and simplifying. Flat white, because it's a lot easier to say than whatever fucked up triple barrelled fucking bullshit name you have to come up with at a Starbucks. …

What's the mindset here? I mean, you would imagine a normal man, who was being accused by a whole hell of a lot of women of a crime he was innocent of (which is what he claims to be) would want to distance himself from discussing said crime in anything but the most deprecating fashion. "Rape is a serious issue. I…

When I read it, I thought, "Naaaw, I want to give her a hug!"

I'm allergic to shellfish and once, in a Yum Cha restaurant, I asked the server if there was seafood in a particular dish. She answered no, so I happily took a basket. It wasn't until I was unable to breathe properly and we were trying to determine what I may have inadvertently eaten that she said, when questioned…

Maybe stupidity has similar properties to bubble wrap?

I may have already told this story on BCO but I had a customer a few weeks ago who asked me, in all seriousness, if two of the hams we sold were from the same cow. (I'm really not sure what she thought she would have been able to determine about the hams if they were, in fact, a) from a cow and b) from the same cow,…

I wish somebody would get Princeton Mom and Katie Hopkins and lock them in a room together and weld the door shut.

Maybe she's on a clean-eating kick!

I'm currently drinking gin as I read this. Now I feel remiss that I'm not pregnant so that I can pass on that botanical goodness!

I had a customer literally grab me by the arm and drag me back as I tried to exit the store after my shift. She then proceeded to put her face about ten centimetres away from mine and spit at me, "Gift cards!" I looked at her hand on my arm, back at her face and then looked at the two still working staff members…

I'm a vegetarian who's been ordered by my doctor to drop weight. I've spent the last few days working out meal plans for myself that meet my calorie, protein and nutritional requirements without exceeding my fat allowance. I found the recipes that allowed me the greatest amount of food and ensured I wouldn't be…

This whole article is so weird for me. Because a) I'm an Aussie, so a thong is a rubber article of footwear, which would be known as a flip-flop in the US, b) I can't imagine anything more uncomfortable than wearing a thin piece of fabric between my buttcheeks all day long (or even for a small part of it). It's…

I refuse to take sides in the cat/dog war, but I can agree with you that Bailey is awesome! My cat has never seen snow (and is unlikely to as we live in the subtropics), but she handles absolutely everything with complete nonchalance, so she'd probably be totally cool with it. My dog, however, is a total princess,…

I'm not sure you understand vegans. They are rabid about having absolutely no animal product in their food. It's kind of the whole point of their life. I would imagine if they went to the trouble of setting up a restaurant based on the concept, they'd also be hypervigilant of the their ingredients. Including…

I love this site so hard most of the time, but times like these I'm just perplexed. It's like Jezebel dictates who we do and don't like and so if, say, Beyonce or Taylor Swift were to issue that almost exact set of tweets (beyond the ones specifically referring to musical style) everybody would be commenting, "Ooh,…

Well, if my sisters after school snacks were anything to go by, then all they are is bread, butter and tomato sauce. Tomato sauce sangers, they used to call them. But one of my sisters also used to eat peanut butter AND vegemite on the same sandwich. My family is just plain strange.

I also have a fairly strong constitution, but my ex used to have brown sauce on everything. Weetbix? Brown sauce. Apple pie AND custard? Brown sauce. I'm pretty sure it was the dry heaves that I endured every single meal as much as all of this actual asshole tendencies that cause me to break up with him. I'm a…

I'm comparing this to the ketchup (um, tomato sauce down here in the land of Oz) situation in my house, and I eat it, maybe, three times a year and can never remember the sauce sitch while I'm shopping, so I buy a new bottle, just in case. So, in my cupboard, I also have multiple unopened sauce bottles, with one lone…

I'm long time single (I'm talking seven years) and I usually only get about three (sometimes four) presents for Christmas, which I'm absolutely fine with. Christmas is about spending time with my family and my adorable nephews anyway. But, to get to the point, I treat myself as my significant other and buy myself at…

I could google, but then I wouldn't get to say, "Who the fuck is Azalea Banks and why should I give a fuck about her opinions on anything?"