You were wise to avoid the problematic alternate headline

Bless her.  She could have chosen an athletic endeavour as a career, but instead decided to slurve God.

SHE MUST PROTECT HIS HOUSE!

Might as well call her “Mother Mary,” 'cause that was an unexpected delivery.

How do you solve a problem like Maria’s curveball?

Regardless, she has broken with doctrine, and demonstrated comfort with using the rubber.

Oh, come on, baseball isn't that bad.

There’s the beef.

joins Kobe, starts looking for his own shot WHAT A SURPRISE

See response below!

See response below!

It’s just this little guy:

It’s just this little guy:

A Michigan State fan looking the other way as a young athlete is abused?  Not exactly breaking news.

Knowing my parents, they give to their church... which then spends $15 million on a new church.

This is surprising:  the Nationals generally don’t let people down until October.  

You freakin’ Socialist Deadspin bloggers, always calling for a Nationals Health Care system.  Pathetic.

Maybe a nice alphabetical thing with

The Santa Ana Winds Lineup (because they blow in from the East and make everyone in LA just that much more irritated)

The Receding Hairlineup.

The Dearth Lineup

Cop finally comes and brings them out the gym to talk like it was an elementary school fight. You could tell he was blown cause his time was wasted