You have to admit the headline is trolly.

To whatever sophisticated 23-year-old-NYC-white-girl-clickbaiting algorithm produces material under the name “Leslie Horn:” THANK YOU. This is prime hate-reading.

To say nothing of all the junkies, drunks, intern-chasers and sexual harassers they’ve happily retained. Mike Tirico, for example!

Oh hey the thoughtful and intelligent black writers at ESPN are suddenly willing to contribute to this project? Whatever could have changed?

Ding ding ding! Clickbait is the reason. It worked.

In what universe is Rembert Browne anything but a drooling frat boy imbecile? That “prep school kid attends first serious protest, GETS VERY FRIGHTENED even though nothing bad happens” article should have ended his career, which only exists because Simmons needed a Young Black Friend to go with Jalen.

You’re exactly right: in order for Coates’ passage to be anything more than technically adept blather, we have to accept that white supremacy and capitalism are the exact same thing. Not just similar, identical in all meaningful facets. This argument falls apart almost immediately when interrogated.

As a published author who works in environmental advocacy, this is so so so dumb. Like, I get the dude loves hearing his own voice. It’s a fine voice. But this passage makes sense only if I accept that white supremacy and every manifestation of capitalism on the globe are perfect isomorphisms of each other, which is…

Yeah, but not world bosses. Setting off a berserk mechanic in an open zone leads to a lot of technical problems.

Anyone who’s seen that movie and doesn’t know he was Count Rugen doesn’t deserve to know.

If one day I found out Leslie Horn isn’t a real person but instead a character you Gawker folks have created for my basic-white-beezy hate-reading pleasure, I will be sorely disappointed.

Odd confluences of circumstance. My fiancee can’t swim or ride a bike because her parents never bothered to teach her. I always tell her that in a zombie apocalypse, I’d have to leave her behind, but this hasn’t been sufficient motivation.

I said dog PADDLE, not dog whistle!

What about learning to swim? Is there someone at Deadspin who can’t swim, or maybe can only manage a dog paddle?

More of a Kronk figure only with a high annoying voice instead of Patrick Warburton.

No real puzzles, more like you run into a locked door and have to find the Spirit of Ardor or the Chalice of the Damned or whatever the hell to unlock it and progress.

Decades from now, I don’t expect TSAW to be anything more than a footnote in literary history. Mockingbird isn’t going anywhere and with time the truth behind this bizarre release will probably come to light. If this release has done anything, it’s inspired me to go back and read Mockingbird again. Will never read…

You don’t read very well, huh? I’m sorry, bud. Don’t feel bad. Our educational system has failed a lot of folks.

Not that it would have mattered here, but can anyone tell me why the women still play only three sets? It’s not like they have less cardio endurance than men. If my mom could truck through 28 hours of labor before pushing a human being out of her body, professional athletes can play five sets.

This is the most Leslie Horne article to ever not be written by Leslie Horne.