Especially Houston, the sweaty asshole of the entire continent.

Nobody that has ever driven in a Texas city should be surprised by this video.

Are we best friends now? (Answer: Yup!) I’ve had other ideas like that as well: Documentary (or spoof local-news TV show) about what must it be like to be Professor Xavier’s neighbors with a bunch of asshole mutant teens acting up? Or to be one of the regular soldiers in GI Joe watching a bunch of whackjobs running…

Not all about that grace.

What’s funny is, had he done this in a Cardinals uniform last year, the tone of this post would be remarkably different.

If only there were some device that you could put in your ear that only you could hear.

Clicking on any Deadspin link installs Stuxnet on your computer. They remotely activate the camera and record you yelling at your children while you masturbate to Supreme Court opinions. It’s what approximately 35% of their audience is doing at any given moment.

Help me.

I worked at a bbq joint and it sold hot dogs. I had a customer order a hot dog, Mayo only. After I brought it to him, he asked for 2 pats of butter. When I came back to check on the table, sure enough there was a butter and mayo covered hot dog. I had to quickly walk away and dry heave in horror. Oh and I think he…

“But, anyway, to hell with Georgia.”

Agreed.

Is Ted Cruz part of your household?

My cat hugs me. Of course I think that’s to get a better grip for biting my face...

That’s so Ramsey would be the worst afternoon television for kids ever

Well, we all know Alex Rodriguez likes a clean bat. That reminds me of a guy the Dodgers had up for a cup of coffee near the end of 1968, the Year of the Pitcher, of course. Now, this young man, he liked to keep his wood glistening. He would polish it every day. Just in case he’d make it in the lineup. But the skip -…

OMG when Walda and the wee baby Bolton ate all those dogs!!! Definitely did not see that coming.

Oxygen deprivation, he can only say “Hodor”.

No waste? Really? You didn’t even do away with the moronic piece of plastic that allegedly functions to keep the cheese from sticking to the box but whose actual use is merely as a nightstand in Barbie’s Dream House.

Patton Oswalt sums up the movie fairy well.

PRAXTYN

Two cups of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” One cup of yogurt says, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”