For every new spidered-man that is born, there is a wolverine that will never die. It is known.

Every headline relating to Trump is like reading an Onion headline out of context. You do a double take, read it again, and then you realize it’s a joke.

Except it’s not, and then you just scream internally forever.

You take that back, he had 3 deflections, 4 shoves, 11 ‘my bads’, and 9 hustle plays that resulted in nothing of benefit to the team. If that isn’t production, I don’t know what is.

I went to high school in San Diego and had a good buddy on the basketball team. He was playing a tournament thing down there against University of SD highschool, which is this fancypants private deal everybody just called “Uni” and I went to the game as I was staying at his folks house because my parents were outta…

My wife and I were in VA Beach for a wedding. At the time she was 7 mos preggo. There was a golf tournament in town and some of the tour people were staying at our hotel. Long story short; We were entering the hotel and Earl Woods was in front of us. He let the heavy door slam in my wife’s face. He knew she was…

Issac Yankem, DDS for Surgeon General?

Well, at least we know who’s gonna be the new head of the IRS.

I get it now. 2016 isn’t real, it just refuses to break kayfabe.

One of the few courts where being white is a disadvantage.

I don’t know what’s more embarrassing, being caught at a Jets game, or being caught at a Jets game.

Favre and Away

finally we get Magic Johnson back on TV. His Twitter takes are unbelievably spicy—i can’t wait to see him in a medium where he can expand on his deep thoughts with even more nuance and flare

I mean, the cop claimed on the stand to have truly been in fear and believed in the heat of the moment that Mr. Scott had stolen his taser. If I had to guess, this juror seems to have settled on “I can’t actually figure out what was in his mind so that’s reasonable doubt,” when in reality the videotape is so clear…

Doesn’t say much that you couldn’t beat a club featuring a guy who was apparently selling belts and socks two years ago, Lulic.

“Let those without sen[se] throw the first banana.”

Although I don’t have a medical degree and am a man, I’ve decided to pursue a head OB/GYN role since I spent the most formative parts of my life in utero. You’re an inspiration to us all, Dr. Carson.

He’s like a fucking toddler that demands a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch and by the time it’s made he doesn’t want it anymore and has run off to eat dirt.

Still haven’t forgiven you for being a turnstile for Duke two years ago. Who are you going to hand the next title to? ISIS?

Trump penis SO SMALL