“South Florida is a uniquely terrible place to build high-speed rail due to the number of unprotected grade crossings.”

Just to pile on about ‘It’s the Freedom for Me’: it couldn’t have been more than a year ago when The Kids were saying ‘It’s the _____ for Me’ to mean that _____ was crap.

Kelsey, I thank you for raising this topic, but I must disagree. The dress code for my brother’s wedding was “wear whatever you like,” and good Lord, he meant it. My brother wore white overalls. The bridal party dressed up like they were about to open for Mumford & Sons. I wore a dark suit, because I’m old and square,…

It helps that Beckham’s skin is roughly the same color as the uniform. The only time you’d get a closer match is when Kirk Cousins is wearing the Vikings’ all-whites. Or anyone on the Seahawks after you ate a bunch of shrooms. 

This is why I love y’all, Jalopnik!  While everyone else is staring at the Hijab Nun Cop, you’re like, is that a GNX or a Grand National?

Given the amount of money that teams are willing to spend to get an even tiny advantage — and given how teams like the Astros have shown that player development is sorely underfunded — this makes zero sense except as an anti-union threat.

The headline currently reads:

My favorite was Otis Nixon. I grew up hating the Braves and barely tolerating the Expos. And you’d think that since all children’s movies tell you that ugly people are evil, I’d especially hate the guy who, on his best days, looked like Billy Crystal’s Sammy Davis Jr impersonation had wandered into center field. I…

I can guarantee you that the dog wouldn’t hold on every damn play.

No photoshop; this is straight up what Kinja gave me.

It’s not AB’s fault. He’s been using that same towel to cover his cock for 11 years now because the league won’t certify any clothes that give him the same range of motion.

I wish that Collins Pick-6 could be scored as a fumble recovery.  Think about it like a baseball error -- the mistake there was all Kallen Ballege and not (for once) Fitzpatrick.

Also, the first time that a team LOST a game by homering in the 9th would cause the most wonderful meltdown since the All-Star game ended in a tie.

I love it.  Home runs are the worst part of baseball, and heinously convoluted rules are the best part of baseball.  

I have similar trouble with my 6-year-old pretending to wash her face.  Minus the camera, of course.

OK.  But can you understand why I mistook this for a Clickhole article?

OK.  But can you understand why I mistook this for a Clickhole article?

I think Keenan Allen’s got it completely backward. I expect more than one returner would psych himself out of a longer return because he didn’t want to be known as the first NFL player to get tackled by and/or pancake the Lady Kicker.

Why not use the 1973 NFL rule book, with the goal posts on the goal line?

This is where college sports gets it right. Yes, there are 20 teams named “Wildcats.” But there’s also some intentionally weird stuff, like Hoyas, Zips, Anteaters, and Purple Aces, and some stuff that takes way too long to explain, like The Cardinal, Rainbow Warriors, and Gamecocks.  If you want me to buy XFL…

The 1955 Burger is much better than the 1945 Burger, which is just unexploded ordnance on a sesame-seed bun.