Relax. Lawry’s always salty.

My question is:

Good thing the Supreme Court is short-handed and not small-handed.

It’s too bad the NCAA will use this moral high ground for additional acreage on its plantation.

George Washington Duke used to try to stop street fights. Now he’s starting them?

I ended up talking to a guy at the Holiday Club right after he’d been stabbed outside the Mexican place next door--as in, that open shank wound by his hip wasn’t enough to keep him from grabbing a beer.

I used to live below the Sheridan stop. It’s also terrifying for the sighted.

It appropriate for a sexist pig to go after a stye.

Looks like Jimmy isn’t an Oak man after all.

SPRINGFIELD

I can’t wait for the game of one-on-one after practice to settle the LeBron-vs.-Jordan debate once and for all.

The real tragedy is that Mario had to die before he could play.

Moments in the sun? Have you been to England?

A Farewell to Arms (and the Rest of Your Body Because a Nuclear Fucking Bomb Just Landed on You)

Did the wittle footbaw player fall down and bump his head? Did someone get his feewings hurt? Oh, Tagliabue-hoo!

That white catloaf will be deposited in Steve Bannon’s spank bank before COB.

Why is it so difficult for these people to take my advice?

T-minus five minutes until your uncle’s Facebook explodes about a Mexican stealing something on his way over the wall.

He just wanted something else to be tanked for once.

LeBron finds playmakers in the toilet while Derrick Rose keeps dribblers in his pocket.