Listen, asshole, I don’t see color.

A white child held up a sign that read, “More black babies are aborted than born! #BlackLivesMatter.” (That statistic was true only for New York City in 2012 and 2013.)

I can’t wait for the victim-blamers to say Elizabeth Doe should’ve known what to expect with all those court documents mentioning her sister, Jane.

This is so ursinine #sticktosports

When it comes to her defensive coordination, she should’ve tried the prevent.

“Throw 12 dudes together and see what happens?” Ask Gar Forman how that’s working out.

Rick Perry is flattered.

In defense of these kids, of all the possible people to hear from 60 days after such illicit activites, the NCAA ain’t the worst.

The Michelob Golden Boy

Despite the effort from Jason Pierre-Paul, “one-hander” never really caught on as another term for a high-five.

“Enough about the ads. I said we need subs!”

+1 (Beat me to it...)

Three-armed robberies? How the hell did this kid get Jim Abbott as an accomplice?

It’s surprising Tim Howard would be so tone deaf, since most of his difficulties have to do with volume.

“Wait, the Slants?”

Has a much better ring to it than Stoudemire’s locker-room nickname, Amare Cabernet Sauvignon.

Getting a Chief Wiggum vibe.

He picked the wrong day to object to a little pee pee.

Welp, this is the first time I’ve ever heard of a golden retriever not wanting to play.

“I’m embarrassed for OBJ—making it about himself with that GLORY HOLE...”