Finally, a Tweet that starts with “Scoopage” and doesn’t end with JaMarcus Russel.

That’s what I’m afraid of. It took me four nights to get through Inglourious Basterds.

What about aborting at the dinner table?

Is it worth four hours of my life to watch Lawrence of Arabia?

I love the heads-up. That guy’s a hero.

I also saw an older man slowly throw up into his backpack. The train was absolutely packed so he couldn’t have moved if he wanted to. He just slowly kept dumping more bile all over his own belongings. Honestly, it was one of the most chivalrous acts I’ve ever seen.

If you mention high school freshman towns, it’s only a matter of time before Mark Sanchez asks for directions.

It was a packed weekday morning commute on the Red Line in Chicago. I get off at Jackson, and the minute I exit the train, I look over to the door next to me and see a 20-something guy walk out on the platform with half his shirt covered in puke. A homeless guy stumbles out behind him and shuffles up the escalator.…

Considering the NFL’s tacit approval of domestic abuse, I’d stop with the ball punches, Peanut Tillman.

Johnny Manziel During Drunk Driving Arrest: I’m the quarterback of the Cleveland Browns. There’s nothing you ca—

I like a think piece.

“It’s all or nothin’ when it comes to wrapping. Usually nothin’.”

...and get this goddamn show on the road already.

“Ohhhhh, blackMAIL! Thank god!”

Is it really surprising the NFL cares more about PR and posturing than some stupid pink ribbons?

It was only a matter of time before he got to the football team after an entire career shitting on Seattle’s music.

He traveled.

Really putting the BUY in bayou...

We all want Geno to take a shot at Rex or I.K., but he’s just proving to be the bigger mandible.

The Kings really are fucked, but they’ve been in town for 30 years so at least we know it wasn’t by the mayor.