He sure don’t SOUND 6,000 years old.

He looks like goddamn Yoshi.

Starting damn near every sentence with a subordinate clause is unforgivable.

I read No. 27 as “When you realize you’re starting to regularly match your crotch” and now I can’t stop laughing. I’m 35 years old.

It’s difficult to keep your eyes open, even with that early morning Sun Yat-sen.

This is gold.

I bet he’s feeling pretty ashamed right about Mao.

“Here’s what offensive linemen Joe Staley...”

Really killing the buzz of the party in back.

[Can’t read.]

Last year, one Detroit Lions fan tried to clean house by going through the backdoor.

It might be apples to oranges, but Mark Grace had a hell of a career thanks, in part, to fat fucks.

It says something that W. is considered the dumb one when Jeb thinks there are only 16 hours in a day.

Online persecution, like Jesus on the cross checking Facebook?

Two girls did a lot worse with the NHL trophy.

[Reads news about RZA and Raekwon]

It’s a shame things didn’t work out so well for Monica Seles when that guy tried to steel her.

“Now you know why I do what I do.”

They must not have had the rights to play Belichick’s #tbt video.

You worked with Jesus?