I chafed the tip of my penis to the point I scream-peed for four days.

Barnes & Not Noble

A Royals’ World Series win will be that much more impressive with a manager who makes Matt Williams look like Deep Blue.

CC on the bench only increases the chances of a bender.

After that tweet, it looks like Eric Branch supplied it.

It’s almost as if that whole team had no use for that TO.

Pretty ironic attire, since now he could really use that timeout.

Not a story—I’m smart/dumb enough to still enjoy both my tattoos—but can we request visual confirmation (with decency in mind)? Some of those dares seemed like historical fiction.

I hear it as “You have... antics?” in a German accent.

He managed to be ragin’ and dragon at the same time? This guy’s the Schrödinger’s cat of boners.

A whole week before the Super Bowl? Consider Eugene Robinson unimpressed.

Great, another handout for the Greeks.

“Listen guys, who knows what’s real and what’s just TMZ nonsense? But for my money, if there really is a leak in the Browns’ locker room, all you gotta do is talk to the equipment manager. A little duct tape and a trusted friend can take care of that pronto.”

For a solid six months, I’ve been trying to figure out the starting lineup for the basketball team of American presidents. So far I’ve got three positions locked down:

The medical staff told him the hit from last week’s game was going to leave a mark, but Brees said that had always been there.

I have a hard time understanding how this merits distinction as “elaborate.”

And here I thought he just looked like he was made of spare parts.

Yeah, Leslie, get your head in the game. Canned champagne has been around for years. They even sell it in 30 packs.

Nothing the braves haven’t been hearing for the past 500 years or so.

“I’ll probably get drilled tomorrow.”