Kobe is still fairly certain that no means yes.

“ESPN sources tell @WindhorstESPN & I...”

I always suspected Harbaugh was on the spectrum, apparently just not far enough toward the “white” end for Colin Cowherd.

All it took was a name change and Gilbert Arenas for Washington’s team to be known more for reloading than bullets.

Considering it’s Brooklyn, I just assumed the trade was supposed to be ironic.

“It’s about fucking time.”

@NBAcatwatch I don’t have any but I felt like I was herding them all fucking year.

Tuevo, you don’t need to tell me twice. I’m a 32-year-old virgin, but if my Catholic education has taught me anything, it’s that women are... Oh, wait, I thought you said thorny!

It’s still not as depressing as Antoine Walker’s street corner.

Judging by that photo, Mr. True won’t have to worry about anyone alleging he’s dope.

Unlike a former teammate, these guys are the ones eating shit.

“... big boy regular pants...”

I don’t care if he can’t watch his mouth as long as he can watch his step.

“Patrick said I didn’t have to wait?!”

I also didn’t do any favors for David Carr’s career.

“Improv comedy is the worst.”

Funny he couldn’t get an oop because all his opponents want to give him an “Oops, sorry for punching you in the face.”

It’s been 20 years and Sandra Bullock still can’t drive for shit.

The double nut shot isn’t that big of a deal for Brazilians considering their hosting the 2014 World Cup and 2016 Summer Olympics.

Dear AP Stylebook,