Tell him it’s time to put on his big boy pants and he’s going to show you a closet full of pleated khakis.

Wait, isn’t he the one always getting the hook?

Odell will never win if he refuses to eat the smaller fish.

How the hell did this guy get a PhD?

Let’s remember some guys? Oh man, I got this.

“I’m getting killed out there.”

“If you’re going to fix the lottery, count me in.”

That’s a pretty embarrassing way to spell “Florida,” Tom.

It’s not like a tablet has ever said stealing was a no-no.

Still no match for the flow of ex-laxers.

Just rubbing it in with that photo of him getting fellated.

If you’re going to throw a driver in the water, I’d suggest Niki Lauda.

One of the following scenarios will be me in six hours. Which is most depressing and why?

I’m trying to think of an appropriate Columbia response but it keeps falling apart.

It’s only fitting his dismissal was kept to 140 characters.

Hey, Ogre, when did the Alpha Beta house get Wifi?

Considering the other teams in Chicago, I don’t know where these fuckers came from. They thrive in big games, win when they should win, improve as the season goes on, and are capable of winning even when they’re outplayed (like much of last season’s series against the Kings).

If any Brady deserves an asterisk, it’s Oliver.

John Wall Dealt Bad News