Boss puts out candy/money jar for a fundraiser for her son's youth basketball team. It asks $3 for Twix bars that are in the vending machine for 75 cents. I'm an asshole because, while I bought one, I expect some way of identifying myself as a selfless, generous person who deserves credit for getting Jimmy those new…

"It really kills the joke if someone has to explain it to you."

.

Alligations? Really? By this point, we're talking about more than mere alligations. I mean, it's pretty obvious Cosby isn't doing this because his arms are too short to reach his dick.

"Fuck the fade route."

"Apparently the n-bomb debate is not happening in Indiana."

Oh sure, but you criticize Derrick Rose non-stop for actually telling you he's going to coast.

And to think a bloody sock led to all of this. If only Curt's father would've accepted the scientific truth that cotton was not an effective form of birth control...

If being a shithead meant a ticket out of the NFL, Mark Sanchez wouldn't have had the opportunity to recover from his fumble.

There's No Such Thing As Open Brie When Glen Davis Is Around

Ronaldo's just being an idiot. When's the last time an Oedipus complex got Messi?

Good god, Telly2Putts, the arctic blast was enough to remind me of my ex-wife. You didn't need to include photo evidence.

Wait until we hear from those 5,000 pissed off Bethsaidans after their bread dinner.

If Fire is saving babies locked in cars, what the fuck are Earth and Wind doing?

Considering he was bird-doggin', I would've guessed it'd be pink.

Fairly sure sporting isn't the only type of rivalry Noel takes seriously.

Billy, I hate to nitpick, but I have a problem with the headline. The phrase "insane, masturbatory rampage" should be "insane masturbatory rampage." You shouldn't use a comma when the last adjective outranks its predecessor and is an integral part of the noun phrase. In this case, the rampage is not both insane…

Yeah, well, the 76ers lead the league in thumbs up their asses.

Bullshit! If you've read a Simmons column, you know he is completely oblivious to the concept of scissors.

"He was so arrogant, he came into my house like he thought he was a god."