I dunno, man. You SURE Jordan won’t be facing murder charges? If what this “someon” says is true, the owner of the Charlotte Hornets is now ALSO the owner of the New Orleans Pelicans, a mere week after actual Pelicans owner Tom Benson keeled over dead. Pret-ty suspicious, if my years observing Jessica Fletcher at work…

It’s almost like the entire idea of America is anathema to Kings.

“They got to be three times bigger”

Fuck you

That’s truly impressive. Of course, I have a few questions:

Jeezus, that’s good mimicry. Like, A++ level stream-of-Trumpiness. How can you unhinge your mind like that, and is it hard to return to a linear timeline afterwards?

So one day, this old lady calls me—by the way, I met her later, very good looking for her age, not a pound overweight, very beautiful—she tells me the portions are too small. And I tell her, “That’s a terrible shame. That’s really a shame. I know Dave Thomas. I play racquetball with him all the time. He cheats all the…

Trump may be a liar, but let’s not forget that he is also a complete moron.

Years of practice. All it takes is just calling burritos “steak wraps” and watching “Wild Hogs” over and over.

I can very easily understand the White House’s disgust with those gaming clips.

Yes, unions are really the ones to blame for the abhorrent working conditions of migrant workers in Qatar building stadiums for a FIFA event. I’m glad they couldn’t fool you, those depraved unions.

I might* be able to throw a 28 pound weight 10 feet in the air. I am QuarterThor

It explains the tears

You know, the gun grabbers wouldn’t have as many dead kids to parade around if you ammosexuals stopped shooting them.

“Parade dead kids around”.

I’m sorry about your small penis.

It’s their version of Penthouse letters.

The point of the comment was to talk about all his cool gun shit. Nothing more.

“Show us on this anatomically correct AR-15 where Obama touched you”