50 treasure hunts. 1000 tickets for each. 50,000 tickets. 50 bucks a pop, that is $2,500,000! Since the grand prize will probably never be found, that is some creative marketing, and a couple million bucks to the owners from suckers!

Can’t these same powerful electromagnets be used to hurl poop into the sky?

Boom. Problem solved! You’re welcome navy.

Oh god, now they are going to have to euthanize him?!?!?

Wait, false alarm, thought this was still a Santa Anita story.

Oh god, now they are going to have to euthanize him?!?!?

Wait, false alarm, thought this was still a Santa Anita story.

I don’t know why anyone would take anything he says seriously, everyone knows the Drews for Jesus are nuts.

I believe OR-E-GONE is the head coach at LSU.

Reid and McCoy even sounds like it is probably the name (or will be soon) of a Kansas City barbecue restaurant.

Pretty sure at this point Cousins will only be having problems with the Immobile Police Department.

How did he catch it? Piscotty Doesn’t Know.

How did he catch it? Piscotty Doesn’t Know.

When the glass hits your eye,
And you’re asking, oh why?
Izaguirre.

He’s got Victoria tattooed on his arm, I’m sure the Grandmother of Europe would be proud.

That’s still better than Yogi Berra’s proposed international draft, which is 90% insult and half fantasy.

Based on that t-shirt, he should have pretended to be looking for the checkout stand he works behind at Trader Joe’s.

“the little chimney between George Washington and Thomas Jefferson”

John Adams?

“It’s safe to say Sabathia will not be getting any Christmas cards from the Rays organization.”

The Rays live in Florida, are looking into summering in Montreal, and are, shall we say, thrifty... so I’m pretty sure they’re sending Chanukah cards anyway.

Ugh, there was supposed to be a picture of Paul Ryan weightlifting here, but Kinja Kinjad me. Oh well. Imagine Paul Ryan, and carry on with your afternoons!

I know just the man for the job, and he’s already unemployed!

If only there was a player on one of these teams whose name could describe the messyness of the tournament so far. A player whose name might tell us that the tournament has been messy, and just how messy it has been.

Ah, yes. The tournament has been Saad.

“No word on whether this was a boot and rally or merely a boot at rally situation.”