And they all look creepily dead-eyed and plastic looking.

If Aykroyd and Hanks teamed up for a Dragnet sequel, I would watch the shit out of it.

In 1980 or ‘81 Tom Hanks was 10-year-old me’s favorite actor. This was solely on the strength of his playing Kip on Bosom Buddies. So when he would pop up in things like Family Ties a little later, I was fucking ECSTATIC. So, I’m a longtime fan, obviously. That said, I miss the old comedy Hanks, and have less…

Hanks morphed into Charlie Weaver so gradually we hardly even noticed it.

I wasn’t even thinking about the source, it’s just something I say now when something is really, really boring. But yeah, I picked it up from George.

I think I saw Mrs. Lipman in there.

You Carlin me a thief?

That’s the response I was looking for.

This game is about as exciting as watching flies fuck.

I was really hoping Maron would be playing a sleazy concert promoter. “YOU ASSHOLES JUST BOUGHT A GATE!”

“Look like”?

“A-one, a-two, the old soft shoe, and then JAZZ HANDS!”

I’m serious.  I’d vote for him.  He’s exactly as experienced as the president we have now was when elected, and he has the advantage of being a smart, decent man.  

O’Rourke/Crews 2020. Or Crews/O’Rourke 2020.  Whichever.

BAMF!

The world’s luckiest aluminum Christmas tree.

I haven’t watched Bill Maher in forever, but yeah, it’s a pretty obvious Bill Maher kind of joke. So sue me, I’m not getting paid for this like Maher’s crack team of joke writers.

Lucky for him he has that Nixon tattoo, because even the horniest prison rapist is going to go instantly flaccid when faced with this:

It’s funny because his hair looks EXACTLY as real as the actual Roger Stone’s.