That’s what I came here to say, that the only reason it takes place on a cruise is that Adam Sandler can’t resist a movie that’s an excuse for a vacation destination—even if it’s only digitally.

Jimmy Rabbitte: What do you call yourselves?

Condolences to Steven Universe, which is no longer the twee-est thing on Cartoon Network.

Cartoon Network will MAKE you care, goddammit!  

Be fair, ABBA had as many as three or four good songs.

“Like Die Hard in a skyscraper!”

“Stan! You should buy that jacket!”

Startrekistan is a nice play to visit, but you wouldn’t wanna live there.

I always laugh at “What’s the point of balancing a tack hammer on my head?”

Ive got you beat, I’ve been an Evangeline Lilly fan since Judgment Day on the old G4 channel.

Does it turn out that it was the Duke & Duke Adoption Agency?

Now I think of what my mamma told me
She always said that it would never ever work out
But all I want to do is make some money
And bring you home some wine
For I don’t want you ever to see me
Standing in that line

A cable news network: “Sorry, what did you say after ‘ratings gains?’”

Hey, you can be a charming goofball AND a spousal abuser.

I have the Penguin Classics edition on the shelf taunting me with its weightiness, but I’ve never worked up the gumption to tackle it yet. Right now I’m reading something a bit easier—War and Peace.

I have not read Absolom, Absolom yet, but from the way you describe him I’m definitely getting a George Costanza vibe from Quentin.

Welp, there’s a fetish I didn’t know I had.

I read that as “Abraham Lincoln” and thought, “Isn’t he a vampire hunter?”

Fuck Chris Hardwick, that Bell’s-palsied-looking motherfucker.

<myshittyleonredboneimpersonation>Big Bad Bill is Sweet William now. . . </myshittyleonredboneimpersonation>