If you arrest any lawbreakers that try to show up, you’re going to have to find a new main speaker for this shindig.

Treat the president like he’s a normal president, but then give him a pass for the dozen or so monumentally stupid things he does on a daily basis.

Is it wrong for this actress to have agreed to be in this commercial, or is it forgivable because she has to find something to do between seasons of Veep?

Why are people upset about the Vegas shooter? Millions of people shoot guns, so why get upset about that? Why are people upset about the guy in the truck that ran people over in New York. He was just driving. Are you telling me that now there is something wrong with driving?

Or just don’t watch it. But we don’t need yet another part of the Constitution that Trump ignores (the one part he never would, because it’s the part that basically exists at this point to give him attention).

I believe Above The Law made one for the Republican debates, I’m sure you only need a few modifications.

I’d rather fund the wall than boost funding for Trump’s gestapo. The wall is a giant waste of money, and it is symbol of racism, but not nearly as big a symbol of racism as Trump himself. If it is between Trump’s stupid wall or increasing the violence of ICE and inhumane deportation practices, I’ll give Trump his wall…

Who on Earth ever thought Jon Stewart wasn’t Jewish?

I doubt it really ruined her night, but I hope it did.

Pretty impressive photoshopping skills for Hannity there (if he actually did this, but I’m guessing he got an intern to do it).

This sign serves as an effective warning that I don’t want to be at this bar.

Everything good that happens is 100% because of Trump. Everything bad that happens is 100% because of Obama. Any questions? No? Okay, it’s lunch time:

Nothing in this about public hangings, so I’m going to pass.

You put this guy in charge of the Justice Department and I bet you he’d think that having a kumbaya-circle with the 9/11 masterminds was the way to go. Well, nope. Republicans are all for law and order until it is a rich, white asshole committing the crime, and then it is “what can we do to help them?”

You seem outraged that I think it is wrong to use the N-word. Is that real, or is it phony? Wait, don’t answer that, just shut the fuck up, you fucking racist.

I doubt Cletus in Arkansas understands the cultural significance either, so I guess he’s in the clear, too.

found the racist.

White people probably should just not ever use the N-word. Yeah, I think most people with common sense know that. However, if you are a white person, and you have some other white person that you are comfortable using the N-word around, let’s call this person “another racist,” then perhaps you should keep your…

Can’t believe that these people don’t know that went out of fashion decades ago. Must not know fashion very well.

Many veterans call Megyn Kelly a worthless cunt.