The Pirates are not going to be Jung Ho about this. But hey, their President Frank Coonelly got a DUI a few years ago, maybe he’ll understand.

It’s funny, because that’s literally the only game he lost all year. He went 2-0 and 41/41 on save chances in the regular season and was perfect in the playoffs too.

You say Iroquois War God, I say Deity of Buffalo Tailgate Escapades.

He seems a bit McSorley about the call.

I think this is actually pretty cool/useful, good for those Alabama inventors. I can’t think of anything else you would possibly use it for. Nope. I can’t.

Is RG III the Jack Nicholson the Browns need to become Scorcese?

It’s Mike Tirico, the not-black, of-Italian-descent sportscaster.

How is the title of this article not “Santos Strokes Big Donger to Win the Game”?

I believe Purdue has an opening.

He broke that dude’s grandkid’s ankles.

Barkley has literally never thrown an NFL TD pass.

Hey. You be nice to Matty B. He was kept over Tebow and still has yet to throw a TD pass in NFL (that’s a real stat).

Is that fat Nick Kroll holding a press conference about COLLUSION?

Toye Story 2 isn’t as good as the other two, so tight call with the Godfathers.

Is it weird this seemed extremely tame for Nick Saban? Maybe I’m conditioned to assume he’s a robot coach from the future (same results every year, forgetting his “humanoid” birthday, not knowing dumb human things like Election Day, etc.), but this doesn’t seem that bad compared to his normal antics.

I generally love your soccer coverage, but why did you publish that trash article about standing sections yesterday? It’s universally the worst take published on this site in the last six months, and that includes Drew’s Haughty Dipshit Memorial Entry. (Love you, Drew, big fan).

No, they weren’t caused by SRO sections, but they wouldn’t have fucking happened if they weren’t in SRO sections.

Guess getting hit in the head repeatedly isn’t all it’s quacked up to be.

Fitting, because they’d be in the B Division of the Big Ten.

This is good branding because dumb, drunk 20-somethings like me will ironically buy a hat.