I would argue that Ankiel wasn’t so much a flop as a misfire. Everyone is pretty excited about Ohtani, but maybe if Ankiel made his MLB debut at 23 instead of 19, it could have been him. In one way, his yips had an unexpected payoff: that cannon got moved to the outfield and it was amazing.

You know, you seem easily angered. Any chance you’re on steroids?

No doubt in my mind he’s on something. For all I know, whatever it is, he’s injecting it or snorting it or having it inserted as I write this. And you know what? I don’t care. It’s not like I take joy in watching Jose Quintana eat shit every 5 days, quivering inside with the confident righteousness that accompanies…

He’s added almost 14 to his career WAR since popping back on the radar in 2011, at a tidy 3.5M per WAR. Contrast that to James Shields, who put up 17.8 but at a cost in excess of 106M, or Edwin Jackson, who added 0.8 in the same span at at 71.6M per WAR.  

Well, yeah. Otherwise it sounds like he’s just talking shit.

The 90s F-150 looked like my Grandma’s slipper.  

I really, really hope that when (if) he finally does get his chance, Kap doesn’t outright suck like Jay Cutler or pretty much every other phlegmatic scrub that got a job ahead of him while he was in exile. His being above-average is crucial to denying these racist asshats unearned exoneration for being racist asshats.

Not even Bill Belichick has a plan for EVERYTHING.

(Punches Gatorade jug)

It’s baseball, the worst is going to come to fruition. Yes, let’s enjoy it for what it is, because these moments are great, but part of what makes them so great is how fleeting they are. Predicting that Ohtani will level out is no prediction at all.

I’m very proud of Indiana for using the internet the way a 13 year old boy might use a Victoria’s Secret catalog.

The numbers aren’t asinine, they are what they are: his road stats are 23% worse across the board than his home stats. Nobody is saying he’s a .266 hitter at the core, just that on the road, he’s significantly worse than he is at home. Even compared to other Rockies; at least Arenado only takes a ~15% hit on the road.

Votto is an all-time talent, but it seems like nobody outside his Division is aware of it. Guy is 10th all-time in OBP, ahead of guys named Tris Speaker, Eddie Collins, Mickey Mantle, and Stan Musial.

Just to put that in perspective, here are the Home/Away splits of some current guys who have stayed in one place a while:

In the mid-70s, a small startup called the Traf-O-Data company collected the results from these pneumatic traffic surveys and translated them onto computer punch cards. This was a partnership between a couple of high school kids named Paul Allen and Bill Gates.

It would be funny to bleat out ONLY the slogans of the biggest rival for each major sponsor, unless the event is sponsored by Raytheon (because General Dynamics’ slogan is complete bullshit).

Whassssuuup?

Hey look, a joke.

It’s almost like Jari Kurri and Peter Forsberg never existed.