Check local listings. In my area, if you want cable or satellite, you’re getting ESPN.

Among other things that prompted me to quit my shitty job at the Salvation Army was our facility ‘commander’ breathlessly demanding I remove Ellen’s talk show from our in-house cable network. I feigned ignorance of the procedure, and when that didn’t dissuade the command, I ‘somehow’ replaced the Golf Channel (his…

This. I would estimate the number of people who have dropped their basic cable subscription because ESPN offended their conservative sensibilities to be exactly zero.

My wife would let me think I had her happy agreement, then when I least expect it, she would dispatch our youngest to “...go watch football with Daddy.”

I’m just glad they didn’t call it a Little League dong.

Legitimate armed robbery.

Sounds like a good way to attract qualified people to your state. “Oregon: We Won’t Do Our Jobs and Will Fucking Fine You if You Notice!”

A couple of the expenditures were “fundraising events” at the Kentucky Derby, which hasn’t taken place yet under the current regime. As convenient as it would be to link all political horrors to the Chump Ascendance, I think in this case it’s just old-fashioned misappropriation of funds that pops up from time to time…

The invisible hand is apparently drawn back in a cocked and ready closed fist.

Not to mention, they won the series. They won the series, and they’re running around yapping about how they achieved the impossible, but then they are also yapping about nobody picking them to win the series. You can’t have it both ways, you inbred shitsticks.

For the Hawks to retool and avoid the fate of Detroit, they would have to pilfer guys from other leagues, like they did with Panarin, but that is unlikely to happen as these guys might give preference to a team that is on the cusp and not retooling.

The little “and stay down” at the end was a bit much, but other than that, beauty.

We don’t know, maybe Braun lent him a smoothie or something.

Thanks; but until then, if you’re wondering what our show would be like, think “Oriole Four meets Gallagher II but with less clothes than either.”

Too late, for that is indeed the very name of my barbershop quartet.

The world is fucked in nearly every imaginable way, but here’s a windmill worth fighting.

Stick to sports!

Stick to sports!

Thing is, we could take NK off the table just simply sitting off their shore and flipping conventional ordnance at them for a few nights. It wouldn’t be very popular, but neither is glowing in the dark.