That won’t get him near as many stars as being a war cuck will.

We’ve elected a deranged narcissist who the press treats like ignorant dogshit at every turn, right up until he bombs some brown people; then they start treating him like the statesman he pretends to be. What do people expect is going to happen?

He plays for the Cubs, so he’s obviously an overrated scrub. Just like every starting position player, 80% of their rotation, and half their bench is an overrated scrub. How this collection of overrated scrubs won a World Series is a confounding mystery. It’s almost like they’re not overrated scrubs, but that…

So the theory you’re espousing is that most gunowners store their arsenal responsibly, in a locked safe, but then there’s this syndicate of safecrackers who break into their homes, defeat the safeguards where the weapons are stored, then abscond with the firearms and distribute them to children?

See, I think it’s…

Nice false equivalency, but I’ll play along. If you leave your car in such a way that facilitates theft, your insurance company can refuse to honor your policy, leaving you liable for whatever damages occur as a result to your property and others.

Maybe it was something in that beer.

That goes without saying. But how’d it get there? Guns are stolen all the time from their rightful owners, but relatively few of them are pilfered out of gun safes.

I’d bet more people self-report internet sales tax than keep their guns under lock and key when not using them.

The streets are just crawling with adolescent safecrackers these days.

It’s a funny kind of shit show when gun nuts think they’ve found raw meat. Dear dumbfucks, the gun may not have come from THIS house, but it still came from A house where it found its way into a child’s hands. So, yeah, keep track of your shit, nimrods. Your stupid little obsession should never find its way into…

Lesson here: Think beyond the end of your nose. The gun was from some household and misappropriated by a child. Unless you’re of the opinion the gun walked its way from a retailer and hopped into his hand unaided.

I’m starting to wonder if Michael Shannon’s new dentist is actually licensed.

For your consideration.

Easy counter to this: don’t schedule anything in NC, ever.

This; don’t get me wrong, I love what guys like Hedberg did, but long-form narratives are much harder to pull off & are so rarely worth the investment that it’s kind of a lost art. Charlie Murphy was a treasure. RIP.

Contrast that to the massage parlor my wife picked for us a few years ago, on recommendation of a friend who is a physical therapist: they took us to separate rooms, and indicated that I should remove my clothes. They gave me privacy to do so, but then decried that I had only stripped down to my unders, and stood…

Every pitch I ever threw did the same thing, except even slower. Where’s my baseball bajillions?

O’Reilly’s ratings spiked after sponsors dropped him due to his penchant for sexual harassment. Target sales slumped when they proudly stood against discrimination. Chic-Fil-A sales soared after an executive felt compelled to decry gay marriage. Donald Trump is the President of the United States.

This is a country…

What if he’s not a fucking dolt, but simply a concussed United passenger as well?

And it’s not like it was a homogeneous media sprint to heap shit on the guy. But once a member institution goes there, they all pretty much have to follow suit or else they aren’t reporting the news. Once it’s out there, it’s part of the story - relevance and good taste be damned.

Right around the time bribery became ‘lobbying.’