Big effing news this week.

Guys I'm still waiting on jobs to hire me and save me from my current bad job (really bad boss). Please send good vibes southward.

This one time I hooked up with a dude and right before we got to bangin' he said, "Your [sic] not one of those stuck up, full of themself [sic] kinda girls everyone says to avoid huh"

Nah, I was just way out of his league. I gave him a perfectly good chance and he was boring, only trading on his good looks and not actually applying any skill. I reserve the right to toss anyone out of my bed at any time. Causing a collision between multiple pieces of my furniture is immediate grounds for being told…

I starred this not only for the awkward situation but for the correct usage of the word "whom."

GUYS... I told him about posting this and now I am pretty sure he is replying. *dies*

I KNOW he felt it on his balls.

HOLY SHIT, SHE SAID MOST AWKWARD NOT MOST LIKELY TO FUEL NIGHTMARES.

Sounds like he was a real stinker.

Oh ... before this moment is gone forever, is there a chance we get to devour the tales of Fat Elvis and Ramen Noodle Truck Stop Man (fav. nomenclature so far!)?

Joe. My. God.

It's certainly more entertaining this way. BTW you scored extra pastafarianism points – yay!

This is the story of how I broke several state laws and had a miserable time.

The GWIM WEEPER??

It was summer break from university so my boyfriend and I were back home with our parents to save money. My mum was a student and had evening classes at a college out of town. She had a class one night so I invited my boyfriend over. We had dinner and then headed to my room for good times. They were good times. Good,…

Sigh. The first time I attempted anal he assumed liquid dial would work just as well as lube. *SPOILER ALERT*

The first time is the worst time. I was 17 and this guy I worked with 'dared' me to sneak into his house and do it with him (he was a virgin too). I told my mom I was staying at a girlfriend's house and then snuck into his parent's house undetected and into his bedroom. We were both too awkward to just start making…

The only thing I'll even willingly admit here is 4 close friends and I were all engaged in various conflagrations of sexual congress, in the living room, when my roommate came home. He was quite taken aback, and also slightly annoyed, as he had just purchased the furniture we were all fucking on earlier that very…