We need a nicer term than “roast beef curtains.” Pleasure drapes? Vagina Valance?

You know why female praying mantises eat their mates after they copulate? Because they know that assholes like this exist.

“Imagine her as a faceless orifice, a sex doll to be used in your Christian ejaculatory efforts.”

But...how girl get pragnent? How is babby formed?

The only question is was it inadvertent or.... advertent.

“Customers were evacuated from the San Luis Obispo store”

“I felt violated, and my body said wait a minute, this ain’t right.”

“I felt violated, and my body said wait a minute, this ain’t right. So I was uneasy.”

Anne Hathaway is pregnant! Isn’t that great? A source says she “wants to keep it quiet” until she “has an official pregnant belly,”

This is ridiculous. If you want to have him spend his precious time apologizing for every racist thing he says, when is he going to find time to be racist?

Have you found the Stirrup Queens website? Very helpful. It took us five years to have our first child.

The kind that takes coupons?

My hair is just like me. It just sort of lies there lethargically. Indifferent to the world.

Scene- My bedroom, 2 AM, after a bottle and a half of wine.
Players (In a theatre sense, not like, a gross way to say ‘lovers’ or whatever)- My husband and also my me.

We were young, early 20’s, shitty on wine, having laugh sex, where we sort of clumsily bounced around the bedroom, laughing and not totally putting all…

Wear that silk shirt for me.

Red is always the best flavor. Any candy, it’s always the right choice (though I am on team black licorice)