Excuse me, but I think I am better equipped to make decisions about starting a family with your partner and the contents of her uterus than either of you two are, I am an anonymous commenter on the internet.

Oh, no. You are doing this all wrong. You have to pee directly ON the man to properly mark your territory. They’re probably just confused.

Dove for men.

Every time I hand a man something soaked in my urine they run away.

I bet the U-haul was the maid of honor.

Instead of fart taxes, the system would work better with fart deductibles

Miller actually overpaid on this tax last year, so he’s hired a bean counter.

MILLER DNP; SHART.

Right. So, this past weekend, I was grocery shopping, as one does, and got the essentials. You know, kale and lentils, hair spray, dog biscuits, mega pack of tampons and pads, ben and jerrys cookie core ice cream, texas-shaped cheez-its, 800 cases of la croix sparking water.

Laughing at a menstruating woman = virgin

I hide all my deepest darkest secrets in my tampon. I know they’ll be safe from prying maneyes in there.

Okay I need to say this because some of these comments are making me feel weird.

I mean, she’s 18 years old and like six feet tall. It’s entirely possible she eats well and is perfectly healthy. She’s basically still a girl, and six-foot beanpole teenagers are not unheard of. Maybe we should ask why $1200 shoes and $4000 dresses that almost no teenager can afford need to be modeled by teenagers,…

So Vanessa Williams didn’t tell you about this earlier? She decided to save the best for last?

That is not a human head, that is Christmas ham with a face carved into it.

Pack it up and go home, y’all, this is the whitest idea that has ever existed.

Right? Maybe she just put a decimal in the wrong place

Everyone shaming those of us with square parts....

I once had a guy offer to “beat my baby ejector” with his “meat bat” if I felt like “stepping up to the plate”