He’s Roman Reigns. She goes home with stains.

I thought the kid on the floor passing the ball made a Hedy play.

I would tell Rick Reilly to go to hell, but I hear that’s where his birth father works.

He managed to contain an outburst because he’s a leader and the best.

If he ever reaches free agency someday, he might sign with the Celtics just to have a uniform he feels more comfortable wearing.

How dare you, sir!? This man is a Christian with a foundation for abused children. He is above reproach.

Because he’s an Ivy League kid, I’m worried about any missing people or family pets in the area. I’ve seen Silence of the Lambs too many times.

The least they could have done was made his daughter a miserable brat so we could derive some satisfaction, i.e. the miserable bowl-haircutted, sniveling pisspants kid that got eaten alive on TWD a couple weeks ago.

All I took from it was that the Zombie Mountain is going tear the asses off some religious fanatics. Sold!

Socked his roommate, huh? Roomy get his filthy mitt on some sunflower seeds that clearly had “Mike’s seeds” written on the bag? Use some shaving cream that is exclusively intended for pie tins?

He missed out on his college freshman picture where he’s passed out, there’s a Sharpied arrow pointing an arrow to his mouth and “Dick goes here” is written on his forehead.

Things are going sideways. I have a preview of LeBron’s next tweet:

They’re all former Sun Devils. Getting in trouble in Tempe is a young man’s game.

Where’s the cookie?

A flaccid penis will do you no good on the field. You might be able to score with a shot off a hard dick from a corner kick. The guy strikes me as an innovator.

I can’t really see a guy like Garnett taking the time to play 1 on 1 with kids (though he must have at some point in the early part of his career for some public appearance) but if some kid even tried to go nutmeg on him.... At the minimum he yells at the kid, maybe drops an n-bomb or homophobic slur on the kid, or…

God, I wish this was Kevin Garnett. I’m not sure what would have happened, but he would be suspended for somewhere between 2 games and life.

Maverick? Sounds more like a Goose.

Two years of Izzo vs. 4 years of Izzo.

Go White!