NC of course. love those military dudes. not.

lemme guess, Chattanooga, right?

My husband has a doppleganger at the our local grocery store. His sister works there so we were talking to her one day and her coworkers said they thought they saw him there with a kid a bunch of times. We don't have kids. We figured they were just teasing him but then weeks later another employee from an entirely…

Sitting in a Mellow Mushroom with my then-boyfriend, a woman comes up and says "Hi, [Boyfriend], you're back!" (which was confusing to me because he hadn't been anywhere) really cheerfully and then notices me and goes from happy to rage-eyes in one second flat, says "Is this your *girlfriend*?" and before he can…

German Shepherd and...Doberman, maybe? I like this game but I'm not very good at it.

I also lick my own hands when I play the piano. I'm just so proud of the way they dance along the keyboard, I give them little kisses with my mouth.

Get a room ladies.

I'm a professional equestrian, so I got horseshoes on the top of my feet. Top comments "are you a colts fan?" & "shouldn't those be on the bottom?"

Oh Red, don't make me blush!

I knew a guy once who had the classic drunken blackout tattoo moment, except that when he woke up with a brand new mystery tattoo, his was beautiful and said "Karate Explosion" in gorgeous script with pretty curlicues and stuff. Did he do karate? No he did not. Does he know where he got the tattoo? No he does not.…

So meaning. Much spirituality. Totally 'Kung po chicken'.

But what are the chances that you joke about getting it done and your bartender lifts up his shirt and has it?

Um, did we have sex? If so, and I'm sorry to tell you, the sex was bad. Really very bad. Don't get me wrong though, I'd have sex with you again, but that's only because bad sex is better than no sex. If you live in the PNW, we should make it happen (again).

I don't like to talk to my food because that keeps me from eating it as quickly as possible

Incidentally that's exactly what I look like eating Chiptole

where she probably had to "nibble" on cake for 4 hours!

Let's see...it's Hathaway and DeNiro...so filming in NYC, most likely? There must a vegan bakery within 2 blocks of any spot from where ever they were, no? who the fuck cares? She's a nice lady!!

I've seen this gif way too many times — and spin-offs — without knowing the exact origin. I even Googled it once. Anyone?

yeah, you know what? hillary (hilary?) duff is beautiful and probably a perfectly lovely human being. or at least her facial symmetry is tricking me into believing this.

Who brings a hamster to work?