i’m not even mad. more people should consider all their options. if men menstruated they’d have entire stores dedicated to the thousands of different means of managing it, with billboards on all the major highways and primetime tv commercials.

i could see putin liking cats in a very ernst blofeld way, but let’s be real, there’s no room in that venal, sundowning, orange monster’s life for anything that doesn’t shower him with adulation

it would but it might also become radioactive. but who needs a cervix, anyway?

because no one manufactures tampons anymore!

i mean, for my money, just put the brown liquor in a glass for me and i’ll go have some of that delicious-sounding lemon elderflower cake with it, but to each their own

aren’t there bait-and-switch laws in the california statutes for fraud? couldn’t we try and prosecute them under those laws?

that’s because it is the best gif of all time

i definitely had an anger problem when i was a kid. what i didn’t have was a gun, so instead i just punched my older brother in the junk once or twice.

i just always vote for which of the two i would prefer to continue to exist. like, imagine the one you don’t vote for vanishes off the face of the earth, and the one you do vote for will happen if it hasn’t yet, or else just continue to happen.

can i be real for a minute, here? a hive that size could easily house twice that number of bees, if not more. apis mellifera generally will be in the 60,000-100,000 member range, for a healthy hive.

no, she can’t time travel, and that great tragedy is what fuels her to go on an eternal quest to kill all men

yes, she is a vampire, but normally her head sits in the usual spot, except she can take it off and, like, stow it in a tree branch to spy on people

tina turner called....

...so you’re saying you don’t want to read my ‘anne boleyn: vampire hunter’ spec script?

#failedstate

the shared twitter is pretty next-level. shared email accounts for old people? sure. but that’s something you 98% see in people who would assume you were talking about a feathery-ass bird if you said ‘twitter’.

bobby, i need to know - were you the traitor? what betrayal was it?

right? my immediate first thought was, ‘give me a cushy sinecure at your campaign or i’ll go state’s evidence right now’