i would have a hard time tracking it down now but my favorite was one that said the coronavirus had announced it was voluntarily self-quarantining following a possible exposure to ted cruz

how much our ceo makes.

so-called friend here, checking in to confirm that indeed, i regret nothing

my inner doug funnie is very interested in sweater vests, but this otherwise sounds dreadful to me

i’d like to suggest linking to the CDC’s travel health notices page, if possible. it’s always better to point to the most reputable, medically-sound source of information in a situation like this.

sad to say, her selfie lines make her most likely to get it

i have a proposal; hear me out:

someone in my office once failed to read the page closely enough when they were ordering bubble wrap from uline and got a roll so big, we couldn’t fit it through our front door

if i had fuck-you money, i think my new hobby might just be identifying and torching rich people’s seldom-used vacation homes

i love gaga. i loved joanne - great album. this sounds more like a mid-tier track off ‘born this way’, which was okay.

i think i would actually really like the pink bodysuit if it had a proper jacket. maybe a long trench? black, wool, maybe moderately structured shoulders?

regular combos or pizza combos?

last year, for my husband’s birthday, i got us two tickets to meowwolf and three nights at the inn of the governor in one of their nicer rooms. we went in march, i believe. drove six hours down to santa fe. checked into our lovely hotel. got to bed early so we’d be rested and ready for our trip the next day.

right? actually getting to childbirth, as outrageously expensive as it is in this country, is the cheapest part of the entire process

“you can feed them cat food as easily as baby food”

i don’t think this particular resort allows photography...

it helps to remember that almost every negative thing republicans say is bald, naked projection

for sure gives me big ‘what’s-a-male-version-of-chastity’ energy

they’re also ubiquitous throughout fast food. mcdonalds, at least in the united states, doesn’t have any actual cheese anywhere in the building unless one of their employees packs some in their lunch - and i doubt mcdonalds is paying anyone enough for them to be able to turn down the employee discount.