in addition to being mostly chowchow, our boy is some kind of shepherd because if we’re in different rooms, he gets agitated. fortunately for him, our house is comically small, so if he lays down in the hallway he can see into every room but the kitchen.

shelties are also working dogs, which means they’re very clever and very easily bored. as with a border collie, you really have to give them a job to keep them happy, or else they’ll make up their own fun, usually in ways that will be deeply inconvenient to any proximate primates.

if they’re gonna have a nearly naked widow, where’s my hanzo in a speedo?

family road trip to monument valley, i.e. the middle of nowhere in the middle of a huge desert. not another car in sight. my father drove over something, we heard a loud clunk under the car, and pretty soon the gas gauge starts to drop, precipitously. turns out we ran over a claw hammer, and did it hit hammer end up?…

i’m afraid it’s out there now. they know our plans down to the minute:

ploom is exactly right. puts me in mind of ‘white noise’.

to paraphrase kid fury, we’re rapidly leaving ‘zany antic’ territory and moving straight on through into ‘sick and shut-in prayer list’ territory

love kesha forever. that eye lewk was confusing to me until i realized it was all makeup - like, did her eyes sink that far back into her head, or...?

two warring countries can love each other in the same way Daddy once loved Ivana

pictured:

the problem is this: the patriarchal-ass culture of the united states finally relented to decades of pressure by very graciously allowing gay men to exist in acceptable society, as long as they assimilate. none of this queer bullshit, none of this ‘acting like a woman’, you got to be a bog-standard cisgender man who…

hard to tell without a good look at the tail. he’s chubby enough for a prairie dog, but wtf is happening with his ears?

there’s a certain kind of skinny person who deeply and bitterly resents the substantial amount of pain and sacrifice and work that’s involved in maintaining that skinniness, and who decides from that that anyone who does that is more virtuous. it’s driven by the male gaze so of course they believe that all that hard…

well but throughout the entire ordeal she’s maintained that it wasn’t originally even about the money, it was about creative control over her work, which she’s gotten and thank god for that because it’s amazing

falls apart under its own weight - such a civilization wouldn’t believe in gravity, so would all fall off cliffs and into manholes and die long before they conceived of a space program, which they wouldn’t fund anyway because it doesn’t help you tweet a better selfie

even today that’s about 50% of buzzfeed’s business model, so clearly it’s not a disqualifier

fun fact - herpes spreads by contact, and the sores aren’t exclusively on or inside the sex organ, so it’s possible to use a condom and still contract herpes

over the weekend while cooking my mans was supposed to lightly fry some red pepper flakes. he starts coughing and i look over and the flakes are now all black, including the seeds. as soon as that air hit my lungs i couldn’t stop coughing either. that’s what i’m imagining with the salt vapor chamber.

they are tooth-achingly sweet, and syrupy, are black russians. ask me how i know. (trick question - i don’t remember most of that wedding reception and even the ceremony itself is a little patchy now)