Nope, we do it by finding traitors like you, in defense of our country.

[points at partner’s wiener] “I’ve got a plan for that.”

Slow fucking day when Tomato can’t even come up with anything to evoke even the slightest bit of anger.

0 out of 10. This is pathetic work product. 

Tomato this is pretty lazy, even for your low standards. C-

yeah, like making fur coats out of puppies

I would add fucked up to that, as in crazy fucked up shit.

Just wait until they unleash the backlog of C-list celebrity sex tapes they've acquired!

But China contains Potassium Benzoate!

Being outraged on behalf of those who have made clear they are at peace with a transgression is how you demonstrate your ability to listen to those you claim to fight on behalf of.

Yeah, but what she does isn’t really sex in the traditional sense so much as it is her sucking the life force out of any male she has physical contact with, then using her fangs and tentacles to tear the lifeless body apart and devour it as fuel to renew her reptile like body and evil black soul.

Let me tell you a little story about “native heritage”. My mom’s granddad was reportedly a “full blood” native, according to elements in my family, and that’s the information I was given. So my mother goes as far as to attempt to find birth records to prove it, so that I could possibly apply for a scholarship.…

Or prime real estate in a major US city!

+1 managed fx rate  

This is the rarest of takes: spicy, AND correct!

Damn son.

Ooooh, with some negative interest rates attached, that would have worked perfectly

I love when you click the button that says “2 replies” and nothing happens at all. Guess they’re ghosts.

There’s a known issue on Firefox with that—not sure about other browsers. I pinged them about it doing that to me a little while ago, and the Kinja team is workin’ on it. (I will forever defend those folks as Good Dudes who do what they can to keep Nibbles the Hamster spinning the wheel that powers the servers.)

What an honor! I suddenly feel just like EnzoDude!