*Richie Incognito throws his father’s arms up in disgust*

Hey now, I have often thought of shooting myself in the head when I see or hear James Corden.

Can’t really argue though, I usually can’t go past 2-3 years without wanting to get rid of my old one and get the new model.

... Brainflacid? 

Pitaro was hoisted by his own Le Batard.

Feed them to the cats

throw shoes at them.

“Remember what happened to your older brother before you misbehave, Daniel.”

I’ve got a doctor buddy who’s a hardcore golf fan. He likes to watch it with the sound off while blasting Metallica.

Then you should probably avoid watching Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. They skinned a neighbor tiger and made curtains.

*Glances up at cat which is staring at me like it’s planning my murder*

I read that as Kurt Russell and pictured a cat with an eye patch

“The problem with the new Lion King is that the animals just aren’t expressive enough”

boasting performances (-ish?) from such well-paid actors as Idris Elba, Dame Judi Dench, Taylor Swift (because of fucking course), Ian McKellen, James Corden, and Jennifer Hudson.

I’ll also add that if society has deemed Full House worthy of rebooting into a new life, then fuck it, let’s let Kevin Smith have ten new lives.  Flame on!

Have you tried squirting at them with a spray bottle?

I'm amazed you couldn't fit more puns in there. Maybe your writing team is unders-Taft.

“Awww, that ain’t right. Those are American heroes. You just can’t go disrespecting them. Putting your bare feet...on their...*gulp* faces. Just your....naked toes on the lips and eyes....”

“Ms. Incontro seemed like a nice person who was ‘having a day’