Yeah, I want to low-key call bullshit on the headline, because that wasn’t what happened. “Black Navy Sailor Shot and Killed By Man Attempting to Steal Car” would be accurate, and is still tragic, even though Attempted Thief doesn’t appear to have been acting out of racism, which is what I assumed had happened when I…

Watching the highlights I legit laughed out loud at some of his shots.

It turns out Mitch was wrong.  Escalators CAN break down

Former President Doesn’t Get It; Wet Behind The Ears Child Blogger Gets Everything

picture is unrelated

And let’s not forget how bad the attendance numbers look once you account for the fact that Philip Rivers’ family is responsible for filling half of the seats.

Damn, Yelich has an arm.  Impressively close to being a close play.

That’s some strong english from a Russian.

His teammates legs are blocking my view. I can’t even see the banana peel.

Went to the golf course with two fully functioning eyes.  Ended up with a hole in one.

Should’ve worn the duster, you jabroni.

I bet you regret getting the Japanese symbol for “I can eat 50 eggs” tattooed on your left arm, huh?

This lady was wanting to axe the manager!!! That’s pretty damn violent if you ask me.

They’d call the show “Up Yours, People” to fit today’s social climate, though.

WEIRD AL OR GTFO

Let’s split the difference and finally do what should have been long ago, and book Weird Al for the halftime show.

Another vote for Weird Al. If he came out and did “Eat It” and had Eddie Van Halen come up from a trap door on stage to kill the guitar solo that would be amazing. Have Coolio come out for “Amish Paradise” (he’s always available!) and Chamillionaire come out and rap on “White and Nerdy” (with a Donny Osmond dance…

Where the fuck did “Great Moments in Poop History” go?!?! Are you trying to distance yourself from poo stories? Fun Bag has been lacking poop in the Email of the Week section as well.

You don’t know why Norm would get a spot on a late night talk show? He’s possibly the best talk show guest ever. Go look at his countless spots with Letterman and Conan. They have millions of hits on YouTube. Plus, he’s promoting his Netflix show.

Nothing to see hear