"Kassian's an amatuer"

Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks I guess, but that ain't the kind of 'Sweet Pee' Von Miller goes out lookin for.

Yes Mr. James, you can visit the pope even though you had a child out of wedlock, but for God's sake, please do not wear sandals. We've seen those toes and they are an abomination to all that is holy!

Coach Pitino has been bringing Ware back slowly. He constantly warns him to be careful on that leg, he's often heard telling Kevin how just a few seconds can drastically impact your life.

I guess because he spells his name slightly differently than the Corolla.

and that kid's name.... Ed Reed.

That's similar to Adam Carolla's musings that no celebrity has ever driven a Chevy Celebrity, no one in Malibu drives a Malibu, but an escort might drive an Escort.

Now if you can just tell me why drinking lots of grape soda turns my stool green your column will be complete.

amen to that

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"Everybody knows his brother Rex wouldn't have stepped in and done something like this. He's not one to toe the line, there's no way he would foot a bill for a bunch of poorly heeled strangers. Not to say Rex has no sole, but if he walked through the arch of some two-bit dive bar, he'd sooner be shot dead in his…

C'mon, cut him some slack. Guys who played at Kentucky are NOT used to crossing the goal line.

I hate the fact that I got your reference.

Talk about both ends of the spectrum. .. John Wall drops 5 mil on a house, while former teammate Deandre Liggins drops an Xbox on his girlfriend (allegedly)!

+1 pound of the blue crystals

"will now have an in-stadium DJ"

I saw the title, but in my mind it read "How the 'Battle of the Network Stars' was fixed. I was a little disappointed when I actually read the article.

there are important precedents here we must protect

"See? What'd I tell ya?"