Fuck a B, it’s got two holes.

Those were the good old days, when you could read a dozen articles about Jeopardy while waiting for your abortion. 

Joke suggestion: Just get Will Ferrel doing his Trebek

I’m tired of this drama. Hire a damn robot and be done with it.

The thing that Dog People seem to forget is that no matter how friendly, calm, happy, and sweet your dog is 1) to you and 2) around you, everyone else doesn’t know that. Some people have been bitten by “friendly” dogs before and might not trust your claim and now they have to be anxious about it all day while you…

Better yet: Don’t bring your dog to the office. Exceptions if you work at one of the following places: a vet, a kennel, a groomer, Chewy, or a ranch where your dog is the cattle dog. That’s it. Otherwise, Fido stays home or goes to doggy daycare.

Nothing annoys me more than an f’in dog running around the office. 

You can’t bring your dog to work without being an asshole.

I also know of people who have to do it in the high heat of summer or dead of winter who’d rather get back inside asap. Lastly, the carts roll and hit cars and take up parking spaces requiring people to get out of their car blocking people’s way to move it so they can park. The workers who prefer to be outside are…

Return your cart to the cart return. Don’t be a lazybones. Propping the wheels up on a curb isn’t a valid alternative.

If you get out of your car and see you’re parked over or too close to the line, too far in or too far out, hindering someone’s access to their car, or otherwise like an asshole, get back in your car and fix it. I don’t care if you drive a pickup so big you need a ladder to get in it with tires so wide they have their…

But the dishwasher is...

I used to work 70 hours a week. I still managed to put my dishes in the dishwasher. Hell, when I was an intern, living alone, and spending 80 - 100 hours a week at the hospital I managed it. We aren’t talking about making time to train for a 10k here.

See, I read that and think “39% of millennials are mind bogglingly lazy.” I’m a pretty sedentary guy, but I can’t imagine being this lazy and my mother absolutely would not have tolerated that from me growing up.

If the onion’s too fat, it pulls out, and you’ve got onion hanging out of your mouth, and an empty tube of batter in your hand.

It can but it takes a little more work, which you won’t find in a fast food place.

Two rules for onion rings:

Allison, the nutritional information seems to have been cut off from the article.

And “unholy marriage”?!? This is a match made in fictional heaven that might actually serve as proof that God may be real. 

Well, this certainly sounds like one mother of a sandwich.