I ended up looking like Cher in my Glamour shots. My mom still has them. Framed. Prominently displayed. I need to break in when she's not home and cleanse the house of them.

I have dark black hair. Long dark black hair. But when I was a teenager I was not happy having long dark black hair. However It's hard to lighten black hair when you don't know what you are doing and silly me I thought you could bleach your hair with actual bleach. So I went to the cupboard and got the javex and…

I see what you did, there!

I would have stuck my fingers in my vagina and painted fuck you with period blood on the wall, but I'm an animal.

That interracial taboo is so weird! Like, in the U.S. in 2014, most people will at least pretend they don't have a problem with interracial relationships, but then the world of porn - which is supposed to be all about no rules and no conventions and unadulterated hedonism - is basically the Jim Crow South. "I know I…

YOUR FACE IS A MONSTROSITY

Pizza. Who doesn't love it? Why wouldn't you? Oh, I don't know, maybe because IT IS KILLING CHILDREN, YOU HORRIBLE MONSTER.

*raises hand*

What's the best way to pray to this image? Plz advise.

I never realized until now how much my mother looks like Christine Baranski. At least, from that angle.

Her parents (slash family in general) sound like a fuckin' delight. :|

Young lady approached me on the bus—

Got all busy on the dance floor with this hot Latin dude. We went back to his place, got naked, and we weren't even undressed two minutes and his load was all over my stomach. Expecting to continue and push through to another orgasm I stayed in bed all sexy-like preparing for more. He looked at me quizzically and…

How to choose? Was it the guy who hogtied me with his socks (see my winning entry in the Awkward Sex Pissing Contest)? Was it the iron-worker who was a secret libertarian? Was it the drunk guy who demonstrated how he could come on command and then told me that he had no respect for how I earn a living? Was it either…

Oh for fuck's sake. THIS is the exact type of comment people are talking about when they talk shit about Jezebel commenters.

fuckers

i started reading this and i was like DID U GET THE COLORS

How can you hate on delivery drivers? They bring HOT DELICIOUS FOOD TO YOUR DOOR you lazy fuck.